My wife Penny is an Aquarian with a Birthday in mid-February every year. I know, some years it does seem like no matter what you do for someones Birthday, they will have another one the following year, and if you have been expansive in your celebration of them passing another milestone, well, then they will raise the bar even higher the following year.

That didn’t happen to me this year. I think I may have shirked my Birthday duties last year because of Covid, but while I realized I couldn’t make it up to her,I was determined to at least make an effort to celebrate this year. We are both at an age where if there has been something either of us would like, we’ll usually just go buy it regardless of holiday or celebration, which works well for those of us with immediate gratification needs, not so much for people who are determined to find you a birthday gift that seems thoughtful, and that you’d really like, and that you don’t already own.

I exhausted the internet, or at least my understanding of it. I queried my friends, and her family. I looked through catalogs at the Car Wash lobby, and the Dentists office. I did a lot of research by watching TV. Those people are not shy about telling you what you need to give, but I did begin to feel that their suggestions were based on what they wanted to sell, as opposed to what you might actually desire. I finally just gave up and asked.

Well, imagine my surprise when she came up with something she’d like for her Birthday. I ran home and ordered it from Amazon. Then at dinner that night she came up with another idea, “just in case anyone asks..”.

I ordered it from my phone while we waited for the valet to fetch our car. Over the next couple of days she thought of another couple of ideas that I was expected to pass along to any well wisher that was looking to get her something for her Birthday. No one asked, so I ordered them as well.

Because of relentless, and rigorous training for twenty seven years, I am a good husband. One of the items was a planter box. There is wide disparity among planter boxes on the internet. You can spend as little as $50.00 or as much as your Rockefeller trust will allow. My selection was weighted toward the former but it seemed nice in the picture. Solid all wood construction, sturdy, and in-stock available for three day delivery.

I got a little worried when that very evening I got an email saying there had been a delay and that the package would not arrive for two weeks. It seemed suspicious that the “delay” should happen to be discovered only hours after I placed the order, but whatever. I had the other three items that would still arrive before her Birthday, and we could just wait for the planter box.

Which is what we did. Two weeks passed and a very nondescript cardboard box arrived at our front door, with a lot of Chinese characters on the outside. I had no idea what it was because it was unusually light when I carried it inside. There were no pictures on the outside and the only numbers I could decipher seemed to be shipping routing numbers. I opened that box, expecting there to be another box inside, this one with full color photos of an American Family enjoying whatever is inside this box.

Nope. There was some pieces of lumber inside, and a box of screws that fell to the floor. Inside the plastic pouch containing the screws there also appears to be directions written by someone to whom English was an acquired taste. They were awful. Fortunately, once you figured out what it was, then assembly became easier because you knew what the end result should look like. I got it put together and frankly was a little underwhelmed. It seemed kinda cheaply made..Almost flimsy and I couldn’t work out how putting 14 cu. ft. of soil inside of it was going to make it more stable and stronger, so I parked it under the eaves and went about brooding on the whole mess.

Penny seemed pleased which was the whole point but she did make an observation that casters would help.

“Well…” I promised “Of course you can have casters…”

Now, I’m no caster expert, but I do know that casters vary widely in quality and cost. I needed something that would work, for a reasonable cost so right offf the bat I eliminated the $150.00 per caster choices. I went to Home Depot and bought sets of both casters that they had that I thought might work.

Ka-Ching……$65.00

Then, realizing I needed to brace the long legs of the plaster box, I bought some treated 2 X 2″s, 1 X 4’s, 1/2 X 2 trim pieces, then wood stain, paint brushes, cleaner, some gloves, stainless steel screws, and a new saw blade.

Ka-Ching….$70.00

I took the whole kit home and spent the next couple of days engineering, and building, the new and improved version, and Boy is it nice. It doesn’t’ much resemble the original, but no one would mistake it for a custom built one either. Its kind of the worst of both worlds, but Penny liked it so much she showed it off to anyone who would listen and has promised three more of these to family and neighbors. I’m certain she hasn’t’t seen a final accounting on this project and would probably say something like “Are you frickin’ nuts?”, but I’m either going to have build three more, or tell her how much this one cost, neither of which is a good alternative. I don’t know what I’m going to do now.